The Uniform

Every one has a uniform that they wear to work.. be it the tradition Burger King uniform you wore when you were a teen, or the monkey suit you wear to work in your 30's. But what about moms who work from home or are stay at home mommies? What is the traditional daily uniform? Well I am going to tell you about mine.

Bras and Undies- well I have to admit I don't wear undies...not very comfy and an allergy to the elastic in the bands has made me restrict my usage of these to when I wear dresses only. As for bras... a good comfy non underwire is my preference. I may have a big chest, but I really can not take a wire sticking in my side while I am chasing after my toddler.. so we skip that and move to comfy leisure bras for daily wear... underwires are reserved for formal occasions.

Pants- Yoga pants are a must! If I am going to be getting on the floor up and down constantly throughout the day with my son, and then go from cooking to cleaning to meditating.. they just work the best. They have to have a draw string, but pockets are optional. Yes pockets are nice to have for stowing away the occasional tissue, but honestly I do not mind getting up and down every time I have something that needs to be tossed. Jeans are good too, I usually save these for when we go out shopping or for dinner. And never "mommy jeans" either.. nice fitting pants that make me look nice.. hey Moms need to feel sexy now and then too.

shirts- T-shirts.. a logo or print is ok.. but a plain t-shirt works great too. Nothing like a good ole white v-neck!

Jewelry- I keep low key on this... daily I wear my nose ring, wedding ring and a hand made silver dragon fly pendant, or my mother and child pendant depending on my mood. I have learned that most things just get yanked on so less is better.

Makeup- I wear 3 things.. organic moisturizer, mascara and lip gloss. I do not need to age my skin with all those harsh chemicals in makeup ..and the fact that I still get carded at 30 is proof that I am doing it right.

Feet- Carrie from sex in the city would cry if she saw my shoe collection.. the most expensive shoes I own are my winter mukluks and my Birkenstock sandals for the spring and summer.. I prefer having nice socks and fuzzy slippers for very cold days.

So that is the uniform.. what do you wear as your uniform on a daily basis?

Incense Magic

I recently received a question via Private Message for one of the sites I travel asking me about what "Incense Magic" is and what I could tell them about it. So I figured why not just answer publicly.

My own personal daily practice of my spirituality is very similar to a Kitchen Witch. I make foods, crafts, my own cleaners with essential oils to spiritually cleanse as well as disinfect. Most of the time, and what I am known for in my circle of friends, is my Incense. I make a powder incense that is a combination of resins, herbs and oils or other liquids that is burned over a coal. I use specific herbs for a purpose that are balanced for their use and scent. I also can never give you a recipe, because I never write them down. I consider each magical usage a different scenario and I also add till I get it right. It is allot like cooking for me, but for the nose.

Materials for me are always the same, my special mortar and pestle, my consecrated silver spoon, my burner and coals and a baggie to store extras in, or send some home with my friends. I start with a resin and break it down with a firm pounding action, moving around the mortar in a deosil or widdershins fashion depending on the intent of my incense. I add my herbs and once I get that right I add a few drops of oil with my spoon. The entire process is a meditation for me and I am putting energy into it. Once it is ready I burn it over a coal. If I have time I will sit by and watch it burn while enjoying a refreshment and meditating on it, or I may go about my day while peaking on it while it burns, allot like my cooking, and enjoying the scent while I focus on what I am doing as well as the scent which reminds me of my intent and my magical working.

Sickipoo

So.. I admit it.. I fraked up. Just the other day I was thinking to myself "wow no one has been sick in my family for about 6 months. GO US!" Well wouldn't you know it, DCkid came to my house with a runny nose. We have all been sick ever since. My son was wheezing for about 24 hours straight on Saturday, been coughing ever since.. fever, constipation, runny nose.. refusal to eat.. ALL THE GOOD STUFF. And now I am sick, gotta love when mother hen finally gets the bug and all the house chickadees are feeling better and running around..yuck!

Here is my main complaint. I feel like crap and my husband is begging for me to let him go to bed early. Are you kidding me?? I barely slept last night because I was up all night coughing and throwing covers off and on because of my fever and you are asking me if you can get some extra sleep? What is it with men. Please men, if your wife is sick after listening to a screaming toddler for 2 days straight, just do what ever she tells you, no matter what you think about it. That is almost as dumb to me as asking a pregnant woman with morning sickness for fellatio.

So here is to all the DayQuil I just ingested.. lets hope it works.. otherwise Momma is moving on to the hot totties.

The Cleaning Machine.

I have heard many other mothers say how they like to clean during nap time. I do not do this. Here is a list of reasons why:

1.) I like my "me" time. What better time to have some you time. If you want to nap, blog, surf the net, read, what better time to do this then when your darling/s are napping?

2.) I like my child to see me clean. He has learned to help me clean. He loves to run around the house with his Swiffer that I have for him. It is great, I took out one of the middle pieces and it is his height. It is nice to know that he may continue to love to help mommy clean for years to come.

3.) Cleaning can be loud. When I clean I tend to make allot of noise. Clanking dishes, singing along to music, listening to TV. These are all regular happenings when I clean. I tend to wake my child up when I clean, resulting in lesser nap times.

4.) I clean many times per day. If I didn't it would be a hot mess in here, more than it is now, all the time. I like to keep my sink empty and we try to pick up toys in between all activities.


So, for these reasons, I do not clean during nap times. What about you?

Claiming the Title of "Elder"

There are a few key notes to follow if you want to claim the title of "Elder" in any pagan social setting. Allot of people try to claim this title and just plain and simple, look like assholes. So how should one approach eldership? Well, I am not an elder, but as a pagan I know what I expect to see from an elder. Here is my "elder" job description:

1.) You should at least look like an elder. Even if you are in your 50's, if you come strutting around with a body and face like Madonna's, people are going to question your age and wisdom. While impressive that your body is peri or even post menopausal, having perky chest pearls and red hair and a face that looks 30 is just not conducive to preach to your younger counter parts. If someone is going to give me advice, I hope they have some gorgeous gray locks.. wrinkles optional.

2.) You should be at least in your mid 50's. While it is true that our ancestors of pagan spirituality lived significantly shorter lives, our society lives allot longer.. being 42 is not an elder. People are now having children later, most 35 year old's are now toting a toddler with them to the store. With people in general moving through milestones at older ages, it can be assumed that crone-hood comes much later than it did 40 years ago.

3.) You should be well versed in a multitude of traditions and paths. Just because you have studied 35 years as a solitary, does not mean that you are an expert at the workings of Traditional Wicca, Celtic Recon and Asatru.

4.) If you are younger than 70, you should not call yourself "... the elder". In fact most titles just make people turn up an eye brow. Mage, Magus, Queen, Lady, Wizard, High Priest, High Priestess, Sage...ya.. none of them sound cool to young pagans unless they are 14 and gullible. However, if you are a cane toting, gray haired wrinkle faced who walks around naked with a faded tramp stamp "Jane the Elder" is a pretty obviously funny name.

5.) Elders generally respect all people. If you are being rude and acting like a fool and saying things to younger pagans like "do you need a diaper change", no one is going to respect you.

6.) If you are trying to "teach" someone, make sure you have your facts straight. If you do mess up, the classic "Oh must be that CRS disease again" is better than saying "How dare you disrespect your elder".


So please, before you enter the pagan festival or message board, think about the message you give people before trying to "educate" them.

Becoming the "Mother"

Allot of pagans follow the idea of the Triple Moon Goddess. Maiden, Mother and Crone have become a life path for all women to aspire to in the stages of growth that we attain. How does one move from one phase to the other. Despite the obvious physical markers of these changes of a woman, what emotional and spiritual changes happen at these milestones of womanhood?

It all begins with a period, unless we are discussing grammar, that is a different story. Puberty not only comes with the gifts of budding breasts, raging hormones and cramps, but also with the wonders of the Maiden. A females onset of menses is the physical marker of a female moving from childhood to adulthood. This is the beginning of the Maiden stage. The maiden is the innocent time of a woman (or not so much in many cases if we are discussing sexual prowess), a time of learning and making her way in the world. This is a time were most females go from being a girl to being a woman trying to find herself in this world. She would most likely be looking for love, finding a mate or life partner. This can be a time of struggle and heart ache, but with lessons that guide us in life.

I will always remember the time that I felt the strongest at this time. I was 24, and had paid my rent for the first time on my own with out help from student loans, my father or a roommate. I had worked my butt off waitressing and paid all 1100 dollars of my rent myself. I had received my second degree elevation and felt that I was beyond the maiden stage. I celebrated this "monument" by getting a maiden moon tattooed on my shoulder. I was moving up in the world! Not!

I had somehow convinced myself that even though I wasn't physically a mother, through my needs to nurture my friends and coven family, I had attained this milestone. I guess for me it was partially that even though my friends were in their mid 40's at the time and we not mothers, that I could consider myself "no longer a maiden".

But when does motherhood start? Is it when you first see that magic pink line on the pregnancy strip? Is it when you are filled with all belly in your third trimester aching to get some sleep? Is it when you are pushing out (or cutting) your child into this world? When?

This can tear a thinking mind in many directions. Is it at the start of life? What is the start of life. Well today I am going to officially say, motherhood begins at the point of where the woman.. oh hell, I can't even describe it. So lets start with my personal example. I was pregnant in 2006, hubby and I got pregnant right away. However I lost the baby at 7 weeks, it was devastating. At the time I considered myself a mother, but now that I look back I was still missing the key elements that make a mother truly a "mother". It took us 2 years of trying from that point to get our son. And for me, seeing the heart beat flicker on the screen was a monumental occasion. I felt like a mother, I did everything for my unborn child..I was in love. But I still did not know the pressure and have the heart of a mother. Move on to the time my son was born. I cared for him and did everything for him, I was super duper attachment parenting mother. But even now, I look back and think "that was the easiest part".

Now, lets interject some thoughts here. How do lesbians, and infertile women become "mothers"? How about mothers that do not think about their children first, such as drug addicts that would sooner buy a fix than a nutritious meal?

Well, in the end it all comes down to attitude. The wonders of giving and knowing that your child comes first. That even if you want to take a shower and go to the mall, if your child is sick or unable, your ass is staying home and dirty. The blessing of the mother is to give herself to others. When a woman takes on this responsibility and mindset, she is the "mother". And when did I realize and understand my "motherhood" stage? Well, as unromantic as it sounds, it was in the drive-thru. My husband and I had to grab a quick dinner one night when our son was around 12 months. We ordered for ourselves and then I realized my son needed to eat too. I looked back at him in the back seat and could tell he was hungry, and I felt amazingly guilty that we were going to have food and if he was going to eat that night it would end up being junk food. It was in that moment that I realized how strong my love for this being was, and that what I gave him was the best gifts he got. It was then that I knew in my heart that I was a mother.

The Creative Energy of the Mother

Today I was chatting with an online friend of mine who is 31 weeks pregnant and raging through her nesting hormones. She was trying to find things for the nursery of the baby to decorate the walls. A very motherly thing, but the stuff she was trying to pick out was not very personal. I feel that it is very important for a nesting mother to consider making personalized art for the baby. While creating a space that is comfy and pretty is also part of a natural process, creating something for your baby that is filled with love also is important and natural. Take for example letters for the wall. These can be bought unfinished and made to put on the nursery wall. It is relatively easy to get some matching paint and paint the letters for the wall. It gives you a sense of accomplishment, and gives your child a lasting item that they will know you made just for them. Positive energy in a home can be disrupted by anything, from diaper changes to late night feedings. However a positive reminder of the love you have for your child can help alleviate these feelings during the hard times. What special items have you created for your child?

The Power of Knitting

Now I must say, knitting is not, nor will it never be by favorite craft. However, I would like to state formally that I think every mother should knit at least one item for their child. Now this is not going to be a history lesson, if you want that you can find it here. But I must stress that its history and its connection to motherhood is a very strong one. In our day and age where we can go to wally world and just buy socks, scarves and hats at any time, we forget the painful fingers of the mothers of our past. The reality is that for our even our grandmothers, knitting was a reality of motherhood. If you wanted to put a hat or scarf on your child in winter months, you had to make it. It was a staple of the motherhood experience. My experience recently with knitting, opened my eyes to how difficult and time consuming this process can be. I got to use a new loom object provided by my friend that made it easier, and still the process was time consuming. It took me 2 days of knitting almost non stop to make a scarf that would fit my one year old. It was not the most enjoyable experience, but I gained a new insight and appreciation of mothers who had to do it, and do it still on a regular basis. Kudos to mothers who do this as a pastime, and even more to mothers who do this as a business. Despite how hard this was for me I felt very accomplished with my finished project, not the prettiest.. but each strand was made with love.