The Goddess Series- Intro

Yesterday Morning I went and got a new tattoo. I have been asking my husband to get a new tattoo for 8 months now (we always decide on things outside our budget together). Yesterday he finally said yes. I went to the tattoo shop and got a spiral Goddess on my right ankle. For me this is a symbol I have been wanting to get for a long time. I have been wanting to find ways on how to honor my inner Goddess. Being a Goddess is part of being a mother. We bring life into this world and nourish it and help it grow. We slowly plant the seeds of the seeds of the next generation and the future. This is an important job and in turn it is important to honor the Goddess within ourselves.

It is because of this that we will venture into, for the next few months or longer, the Goddess Series here at the Spiritual Mother. We will cover many aspects of goddesses including discussing different goddesses around the world, honoring her in yourself, teaching your children about goddesses and more. I can't wait to share this with you and want to remind all the women out there that you are a Goddess!

I FAILED My Own Challenge...

A few months back I issued a challenge and I failed my own challenge. I fully planned to take this on wholeheartedly, but I must admit I did not force myself to do this. I planned on trying to be an eclectic pagan for 30 days and following the basics of that path. I posted on one of the forums I frequent, looking for suggestions and the basic response was, "Well, solitary eclectics get to do what ever they want so just go with what ever feels right". Well that was where I hit my problem.. my path already was what feels right. So I decided that I would go to my book shelf and pick out the first two books that called to me that I hadn't read in a while. So I picked up a book on shamanic healing that was loaned to me by a friend that I never looked at, and a book and cards kit on goddesses. I figured I would get familiar with both and then put together a shamanic goddess ritual for the next full moon. Well I tried..I picked up both and flipped through them several times. I tried to sit down and read them both. The problem was drive, I had no ambition to actually sit down and take time out of my day to read them. So there on my shelf by my bed the books sat. I would glance over at them saying to myself "I need to read those" but it just didn't happen.

My conclusions to this is that Solitary Eclectic was a bad choice on my part..I should have gone with something like Celtic Reconstructionism, Dianic or Buddhism, but Solitary Eclectic was way too broad. In the end we all follow what feels right to us, regardless if it has a certain structure or is a grab bag of ideas... If we didn't, we wouldn't follow it at all.

Hot Love

I was once told in a class for my daycare license that the difference between a love for a child from a mother and a day care provider was that a mothers love was hot and a providers love was warm. A mothers love is fierce, protective, deep, passionate and eternal. A providers love is giving, safe, and when needed. Having a Day Care in my home with my son as one of the kids has been a journey for me to balance my hot love for him out while trying to care for him and the other kids. On one hand I see my son in the way of a mother, trying to protect my young at any cost. On the other it is about being objective and helping all the children in a way that aids their development. This week that was balance was testing in a profound way for me.

On Monday one of my clients came to me and said that her 5 year old claimed that she was being bullied by my 2 year old son. She also said her 2.5 year old was saying "he hit me" over and over. This is the same child who every time was at my house would go to the window and whimper "I'm sorry mommy" over and over and rarely play in my care. The child who got owned by a 10 month old. The child who would only play with his sister, and when she was here the two children formed a clique and never would play with other children. The same child, who hit my son on the head repeatedly with a drum stick. When I took the drum stick away and told him that it was for the drum and using it on my son this was was not safe, he had a mental break down and screamed for 20 minutes. I have been working with kids almost 20 years now, and kids hit each other and take toys from each other all the time, especially 2 year old boys. This is normal behavior... and to hear that woman call my son a bully when he is acting within the normal diaspora for a toddler.. well my blood boiled. I was so mad I simply smiled and told her if she felt that way it was best not to come back, while in my head I was jumping at her like a protective lion clawing her face off. How dare she talk about my son like that, I was raging in my head. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that I thought there was something wrong with her son, that he was wimpy and low functioning emotionally. I have been tooling the scene through my head all week. Trying to put it out of my head.. which has been challenging. I keep reminding myself that this wasn't my fault and my son was being completely normal for his age.. and feeling sorry for that woman that she would assume that I would let her kids get hurt in my care, and that I wouldn't protect them. Feeling sorry for those kids because obviously they don't have a parent that would teach them to handle adversity and face the world head on, showing them how to handle dealing socially with different personalities. Teaching them to cower in fear for something so petty, it just boggles my mind. But despite that my "motherly" hot love has been taking over and.. Im just so angry! I have been meditating and trying to not think about it all week.. but ya.. I'm mad.. no matter what I tell myself. This was the first time for me to have my motherly instinct enraged...and I know it will be challenged again... Hopefully I find ways of coping and taming the beast within before the next time. How do you cope with your motherly hot love?