It is spring and I look out my window and see robins doing a mating dance in my back yard. It is nap time here at my house and the relaxation music is flowing in the background. I feed my daycare baby a bottle as he looks up into my eyes with a loving glance, and I can feel it, the back of my mind wishing and longing to be pregnant.
To have another child of my own.. to see 2 pink lines on a pee stick.. to get to eat everything in sight.. to shop for maternity clothes.. pick out new baby items... get new clothes ready for them.. to see my son kiss my expanding belly..to be ready to get this darn thing out of me! To have my bags ready to go..to hold a newborn for the first time and let them nurse hungrily at my breast... to walk around my house with a tiny newborn in my sling and stare at them sleeping at any time..
My body feels the fever all over, like a twitch in the back of my head that connects to every part of me. To me this is one of the most natural feelings in the world, and even though at times it can be wrenching and cruel, I welcome it. It shows me that I am alive and in tune with nature and who I am through the very core of my being. It is the creation of the world, the gift of the Goddess. For it is through me that the Goddess lives, and through my womb she calls me home.