When we go through tough times, we seek ways to find comfort. As you all know I have had hard times lately with the loss of Jessie. But the last six months have had more than just that held up in store for me. I have had everything happen to me from my car dying to financial problems (I am the 99% for sure) to discovering friends I had for years were never really friends. To top it all off, add in the stress this has all added to my marriage and we are a steam pot of stress and emotional heart ache. It has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least.
I have been pretty much going through a major change of "Return to Saturn" proportions this last year. I have found comfort in music songs like the video posted above. It almost seems like a sign that it keeps coming on my Pandora stations. Music seems to comfort me and allow me to cry when I normally would not have allowed myself too. I have been keeping myself busy with many projects to keep my mind off things. Harvesting out the bad and making room for the new is a good thing. There are good things that come with trying to find that happy place again after epic bad times.
The most important part of being at a low point in your life is to remember that things will get better. Harvesting this idea and the positive energy of regrowth is always the hardest part. You can not let the negativity get you down, but you also need to allow yourself time to grieve, heal and learn from the negative experiences. How does one do this? Well that is different for everyone and a very individual process. Some people need to sit in bed in their jammies and stuff ho-hos in their mouth and be miserable, like that episode of Roseanne in season 9, where Dan leaves Roseanne for another woman. But other people, need to dive into new projects and stay busy. Some people need both. I am one that needs to stay busy.
One of the hardest parts of being a pagan in this country is the lack of people to connect with on a spiritual and friendship level that have similar beliefs as you. Many pagans tend to be alone in many areas of the country. I have felt this myself the last few years. But with my own pain lately I have been trying to change that. A few of my pagan friends and I have started a local Earth based spirituality group. It started off as us finding a wonderful place to gather and hold meet-ups. We then planned a Samhain retreat. When we decided to do it we said to ourselves that if more than one person showed up besides us, it was a success. Well now we are nearing 40 people attending, and are being sponsored by the biggest New Age shop in the area, and have started an organization that will be hosting many events in the future.
It has been growing so fast and keeping myself busy working on our projects together has not only given me a new focus that is positive, it has offered me a support structure of people I can connect with spiritually to help with the healing process. I also am able to help new people that have come to us. Ever since we started advertising our group we have had pagans come to us grateful to have found us, as they are new on their path and needing spiritual guidance in their lives. That feeling to me has been so amazing to know that I am helping someone and guiding them to answers they had in themselves but needed help finding. I wonder if they know how much helping them is helping me.