Blossoming Jasmine Journal- Entry 2

It is amazing to me how much can change by going to a festival.   As you may know I went to Pagan Spirit Gathering 5 weeks ago, and every since I have been way more creative and focused on everything in my life.  I still have not made headway in all of the things I want to be working on but I have gotten allot more done and been way more in touch with my faith.  I just have a full plate.  This means that things I want to work on have yet again been pushed back in a fashion, and new things keep coming up in my life.  I hate that I am making excuses for myself, I really do.  But wow, its just so much, and it piles up quickly.  And on the other hand I keep getting new ideas for things and PSG just flooded in so many new ideas to try and work out. 

I am writing a book.  I came home with so many ideas and the drive to actually write a book.  There is not many books out there that encompass the spiritual path of the mother in pagan faiths.  This has always made my head scratch, as the mother goddess idea is used in MANY pagan and earth based paths.  I have an outline and I am working on this slowly.  Maybe I will get a bunch of ideas written down and more of it done once I get my desk cleaned off.  I am not pushing myself on a time line or anything, I am writing it when ideas come to me and when I get the chance to do good quality writing. 

I need to limit my time on pagan message boards and discussion groups.  Yes it is wonderful to be able to chat with others and debate concepts.  However, so many people of different paths have so many ideas that it really is just a circle of unending drama lamas competing for being the Guru of all knowledge.  Its like watching a video game where everyone battles for the ultimate rank of Paganus Supremo.  And then there are the cynics.  If you can not prove an idea with scientific evidence or historical fact, then it is crap to them.  Yes I believe in the passing of real knowledge and deep inner wisdom.  To me that should be a goal for all people of faith (and I know many people disagree with that, but I choose to not believe that).  But really you need to just have some faith, and let go and know that one day people will get to the part of the journey of the path they are on where really none of it matters. In the end my energy is best spent writing here and working on my book and my path and most importantly, my family. 

I have been doing good about focusing more on my health.  I have cut caffeine out of my diet for the most part, I am down to less than 3 cigarettes per day, and I have been cooking healthy low fat meals and eating a salad every day.  I also have been drinking more milk and I have been eating breakfast.  Now I just need to add in an exercise regimen, which I have been reading a few books about and just keeping more active with my family.  We have been outside every weekend for several hours each time, we have gone camping, despite the last camping trip being the worst one I have ever been on.  And I have been including myself in activities that enrich my mind.  I have cut out my texting habit almost completely with the exception of keeping in touch with a few friends. 

I also want to mention that my Jasmine plant that I have been caring for, for nearly 3 years, had the biggest bloom its ever had, from the solstice until about a week ago.  It was heaven to go outside and be able to smell it and feel the connection I share with it.  I can't wait to see it again.  I need a better camera so that I can share pics with you in the future.  Blessings to you all ~ Jasmine. 

Choosing My Religion

Recently I read an article over on Patheos Pagan Portal in regards to raising your children pagan.  The article was titled "Hand-Me-Down Paganism", and said that pagan parents should expose their children to their practice.  I have always been of the mindset that my path was not my sons and he should find his own path.  If he asked I would teach him.  But this article got me thinking.

Mr. Scott suggested that this belief I too carried was due to most pagans not wanting a repeat of their childhood in which faith was pushed on them.  In my case this simple is not true.  I was raised with the ability to choose.  My mother was catholic and my father was protestant.  They could not decide which to baptize me and choose to let me choose when I was older.  Now they were expecting me to go with a christian faith, but minus going to a Lutheran preschool for a year and being one of Herod's wives in Jesus Christ Superstar,  I was not taught any faith.  I started seeking when I was a teen, and honestly paganism was my first faith.  I enjoyed seeking and finding my own faith, it has made me who I am.  But that doesn't leave me without regrets.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't able to grow up in a pagan household.  I really feel that it would have been an amazing experience to learn from my mother, who now happens to be a Reiki master and despite being Catholic, has a belief system similar to Alchemy.  Scott was able to have that opportunity and loved it, and speaks very highly of it.  He also feels that if you don't share your path with your children, they are missing out on part of who you are.  Now that really struck me.  Having to keep allot of my path to myself over the years has been rough.  The result of that is that not many of my family members and some of my friends do not know me to the fullest extent that they could know me.  Why would I want to do that to my son.  I want him to know me and have a close relationship with me for life.  Sharing my faith with him would only further that bond and connection that we share.

Having a close bond like that with my son and sharing my path with him would be a blessing, and would not leave a void of emptiness in his heart.  Yes I still want him to find his own path, and I still can teach him about many different paths.  Teaching him mine in no way voids him of the ability to choose and my ability to be open to him finding his path.  I know that his life will not have the same dogmas as my own.  But him not learning about my path in an open and family was doesn't allow him to see much of my dogma at all.  I want to be able to have family feasts around the Sabbats, I want to teach him a love of the earth, and I want him to be a well rounded individual.

There has also been the issue of us that my Mother in Law wants him to be exposed to faith.  She has been calling and trying to give nudges about taking him to church or vacation bible school.  And I realize she wants him to be exposed to a faith of some sort, but neither my husband (who is now agnostic) nor myself feel comfortable with the Christian Dogma.  I have no issues with Christians, however I have this deep seated fear that he will come home and say "Mommy you don't believe in Jesus, you are going to hell".  I would be heart broken by this and no matter if it happens or not, I don't feel comfortable with the environment at this time.


So I brought it up to my husband and we discussed it and he said he feels more comfortable with our son being raised in my path than in any other.  He wishes he could help and that he had a connection to it like we do.  However my path does not force ideas or dogma onto others like other paths.  So we have officially decided to start raising our son pagan.  Its not a far stretch either for us because he is already a nature lover and very in tune with the earth already and he isn't even 3 yet.  I am excited to be able to teach him and help him grow in what ever path he may choose later in life.

My Lack of Patriotism: A Self Reflection.

Something I have always struggled with on the 4th of July is that I have no real deep emotional ties to being an American.  I feel bad that I don't but if I were to rank it on labels that I could apply to myself, it would still be towards the bottom of my list.  It would be above hypoglycemic and sufferer of IBS that is for sure.  But for me, Mother, Pagan and Wife would be a close tie for the top spot.  I didn't realize how low it ranked for me until this morning when I was sitting at the parade this morning here in Independence, IA next to a woman who was Canadian and celebrating her first 4th of July.  She was wearing a denim dress with an American flag bandana on her head, while I sat next to her wearing a hippy skirt and a coral top.  I was one of the only people not wearing red and blue.  The fact of the matter is though, I don't wear, or own for that matter, many red and blue clothes.  It is just not my favorite colors or ones that I feel a connection to.  Yes I value freedom, it has been a mantra for me for a long time.  But all the political stuff for me, it has always degenerated my faith in my country.  This side arguing with that one, people not getting to live their lives with out politics and the law getting in the way.  The fact that I have to pay an arm and a leg to see a doctor and maintain a healthy life style while everyone argues about it makes me cringe internally.  I could go on and on here, but when I do, I feel even less of a connection.  For me this day really is about eating corn, being with family, enjoying the weather and the fireworks.  Because true freedom is in my heart and soul.